Episode 29: Put your phone down and do these things instead

I dare you...

I recently helped my youngest daughter and her friend with their lemonade stand. As we were gathering everything to go set up at a neighborhood park, the friend said,

“You know how grown-ups are so obsessed with their phones?
We should have Venmo so they can pay us with their phones!”

These words were spoken by an 8 year old. What surprised me was that she didn’t suggest Venmo as a solution for those who don’t carry cash, she suggested it because she assumed that adults want more ways to interact with their phones!

It had me thinking about my own daily use of my phone (which I admit is way more than I would like it to be). I blame my job, but I can also blame myself. I began to pay more attention to other adults around me and tried to pick up on what kids might be noticing about adult phone habits that we (as adults) don’t even notice anymore.

Example 1:
The other day, I drove by a couple in my neighborhood walking their dog. Both of them were walking while on their phones, not talking to each other, not interacting with their dog, and walking unaware of the space, cars, and world around them.

How many times have we bumped into people on the street or spot drivers who are not paying attention to life around them because they are looking on their phones!? I mean, I get pulling out our phones while waiting in a long line at the coffee shop. But if we are moving our bodies in space, do we really need to be looking at them, too?

Example 2:
Recently, I left my house to go to Trader Joe’s to get groceries and had forgotten my phone at home. I realized it soon after I left, but I didn’t feel compelled to go back. I wasn’t going far or gone for long.

While I usually have my grocery list on my phone, I remembered enough that it didn’t get in the way of the task at hand. What was disconcerting was the number of times I reached for my phone (in my bag, in my pocket), and it wasn’t there. It was a ghost phone trying to speak to me from another dimension that I kept gravitating towards. It’s like I needed to know where it was at any given time.

I was trying to play it cool, but deep down inside I was trying to shop as quickly as I could so that I could get back home (to my phone). I wasn’t worried I was missing calls or texts. But I just felt like something was missing, and I needed that feeling to go away.

So what now?
This is not an essay where I tell you how you should put your phone in a bin as soon as you walk into the door and not look at it for the rest of the evening. We all know the “tips and tricks”. If you are living with a phone-free zone in your home, that’s amazing, and I am jealous of you! But most people are not and will likely never do so. And, to be honest, the convenience of what the phone offers really is a revelation that I am not trying to completely get rid of.

The times that I put my phone down and go off to do something without it feels freeing but then, of course, the natural inclination we have built up over the last two decades to be so connected creeps back in.

Turtle Steps
My life coach always talks to me about turtle steps. When you want to make a change, big, drastic, and immediate changes are not easy (and sometimes not necessary). But small, “turtle” steps can be more realistic and impactful. These could be small steps towards bigger change or simply just lots of small things you can do to make things better for yourself each day.

To me, the key to combat the need for connectivity is doing more things that don’t require phones. I love when I have (positively) disconnected because I’ve become (positively) consumed with something else.

If you find yourself addicted, put your phone to the side and do these things instead:
-family walks (dog or no dog)
-any type of physical exercise (ideally outside)
-sex with a partner (or yourself)
-read a book (an actual book not on a device)
-a hobby where your hands get dirty (cooking, pottery, gardening)
-go out to lunch (and leave your phone in your purse, or better yet, at home)

These are very ordinary (and mostly free) things. Remember the good ‘ole days of the 80’s and 90’s when we didn’t have so much connectivity? We just went and did stuff and then came back home without knowing where anyone was. And, we weren’t worried about what we missed. Let’s bring small doses of those things—positive disconnections from our phones—into everyday and more often!

It’s not realistic to try and rewind time and undo what technology and convenience have brought us. But, we can make real and true efforts to combat it in small ways. It’s the mindfulness, awareness, and desire to enjoy life that helps us find a healthy middle ground. Ghost phone, be gone!

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Mid-century modern home with phone on ground image created by me with Midjourney AI.