Episode 9: The Truth Behind Endorphins and How I Thought They Were a Lie

This is going to sound crazy considering my last episode, but I boycotted exercise for almost a decade.

Let me rewind a bit…

I was very (athletically) active in my teens and young adult life—even doing pre-natal workouts—up until I had my first baby in 2011. But after that, life became very overwhelming. Running a business, having a newborn, being married, living in a new city…it was all a lot. And I did what many moms do—I let something I previously loved to do (exercise), fall by the wayside as everything else took priority.

I wasn’t anti-exercise, but I didn’t think it had a place in my life and shelved it for almost ten years. I would attempt a dance class here or a long walk there with a baby strapped to me from time to time, but nothing stuck.

The truth is…I didn’t make it stick.

I remember following people on Instagram (many of them motivational speakers) who lived by their morning workouts and swore that if they didn’t wake up at 5am every morning to run or hike or bike that they wouldn’t be as successful as they were (I think Oprah says something to this effect, too).

I would think to myself, “That’s great for them, but that’s not what I need.”

I am not a morning person to begin with.
Why would I wake up extra early to do something I didn’t even want to do?

They shouted, “Exercise gives you endorphins!” while I shouted, “Ice cream and chocolate cake gives me endorphins!”.

By the way, the Cleveland Clinic says, “Endorphins are chemicals (hormones) your body releases when it feels pain or stress. They're released during pleasurable activities such as exercise, massage, eating and sex, too. Endorphins help relieve pain, reduce stress, and improve your sense of well-being.”

For several years, I spent my “free” time (after my kids went to sleep) focusing on the hustle that was my career—aka working hunched over my laptop in bed until midnight. Deep inside, I knew I wasn’t my healthiest. But I didn’t really care as the rest of my life needed my focus. And, during that decade my career did indeed reach new heights, lots of successes, and unexpected growth.

So, what did I need exercise for?

After the pandemic started, I let myself succumb to the helplessness of it all. I remember those days when we had no idea what was happening. Our kids were sent home from school for what we thought would be two weeks, but it ended up becoming months…then a year…and then more. I was depressed, anxious, and felt completely out of control of my life. Because tennis was one of the few socially distant sports—and a sport that I played in high school and loved—I decided to revisit it again.

I don’t need to dive back into what is now my rekindling of a love affair with tennis here. But what I realized is that in order to stay active, I needed something I enjoyed. For me, I need a fun class (like hip hop) or a competitive sport (like tennis). And, I need to be with other people—not home alone watching a workout video. The idea of running on a treadmill at the gym or doing a workout alone in front of a TV sounds dreadful and completely unenjoyable to me.

When I finally found that thing that I loved again—exercising was fun! It was no longer a chore like workouts can often be.

It became something I was eager to fit into my life and make the space for.

I now see it as a priority like I do other parts of my life. And while it can flex based on my other responsibilities, it doesn’t get completely shelved anymore like it once did.

I will never tell anyone what to do with their body, what to eat, whether to exercise (or not) because I also don’t want anyone telling me what to do with my body. But what I do want to tell you is how reclaiming my health (through exercise I actually enjoy) gave me back control again.
- It allows me to do something for me and for my health. I now feel the best I have in a long time.
- It gives me something to look forward to that is just for me. Sure, the mom guilt still kicks in when I am away from my family to do something for myself, but I’m working on that :P
- And, it gives me something that I can feel the immediate and direct effects of. I am shocking myself to admit that those endorphins really are a thing!

During the days I feel blah, it’s grey outside, or I just feel extra sleepy, those pesky endorphins from exercise really do lift my mood, give me a boost of energy I need, and make my mind clearer when I’m stuck in a creative rut. Oh, and the chocolate cake and ice cream still works, too.

Thank you so much for being here and reading Crazy. Mad. Joy. Whether you’re new to my work or a long time supporter, I appreciate you so much! And, if you like what you’re reading, please consider sharing with others (you can simply forward the email) and encouraging them to subscribe, too.

Cabin with tiny balloons in a big balloon image created by me with Midjourney AI.